I have found what I’ve been looking for – Jagoda

“I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For” – a song of a famous rock band “U2” – accurately describes the first 22 years of my life. What was I looking for? I guess for what everyone desires: love, acceptance, security, purpose and meaning of life. Although I had loving parents, I didn’t feel loved. Today I understand we were using a different kind of “love languages.” I was a good student; I was admitted to the university without any exams, and Cracow was a wonderful place, but only to study. Was it enough to be happy? I had many friends but never knew if a person was 100 % committed to me, and I was disappointed with several such “friendships.” What about God? I heard about Him since I was a child, but He seemed distant, strict and punishing rather than loving – unless I did enough good to deserve His love. But how much is enough? Although I was a very religious person and truly wanted to please God, no matter how hard I tried, I always did or said something wrong, or thought something which I would be ashamed to admit. I desperately cried out to God to change something in my life. And He did.

The year of 1981 was a turning point for me, not because of a political situation in Poland, but because of a special decision I made. With a help of my friends I understood that the thing I was looking for was within reach for me. There was someone who knew everything about me, even the things I would rather forget and wipe out of my life, and still loved me without any smallest condition. I understood I didn’t have to do anything to deserve this love. It’s Him, God, who “loved me first” (1 John), and proved it by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for me on a cross. He already did all there was to do. But now I have to decide what to do with this freely given love of God – whether to accept the gift or reject it, or maybe just to overlook it.

I decided to believe in His love and entrusted my life to Jesus, asking Him to take control over my steps and to change me according to His will. He became my Savior and Lord.

What I desire now? For 20 years I have been a happy mother of two sons, who now are almost grown up. I experience life with all its ups and downs, but I know God walks with me faithfully and His love remains the same. I know I won’t surprise Him with anything, and when I fall, He helps me to get up and keep on going. My life is safe in His hands – He controls all circumstances. The awareness of His care guarded my peace when I was waiting for my surgery, and helped me live through the surgery of my first child – my son was only four weeks old when we was operated. I know I can trust God’s promises written in the Bible. When I depend on them in my daily life, I find them to be true. My value is based on the fact that I’m a King’s daughter, created according to His image, and it doesn’t depend on any of my achievements, on somebody’s appreciation, or the thickness of my wallet. I learn to enjoy every single day of my life, to live in harmony with God, with myself and with others, and to discover all the gifts that God has given me in His love. I found in Christ what I had been looking for. Someone helped me find it, and now I want to help others to experience His love, so they also could live a full life.

I greatly desire that every woman in Poland would have an opportunity to hear the gospel of salvation, to know Christ and to live a full life. Therefore, in 2002, I and two other women initiated Women’s Forum, and I’m responsible this ministry in Poland.

Jagoda Markiewicz